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the far east

as an asian living in the western hemisphere, there are certain things of the far east that i miss.

the chinese chess

like the chinese chess. a chinese chess match unfolds itself as some kind of primitive neural network on the table, with nodes having different characteristics and functions. it is a vulnerable game, in the sense that, in the course of playing, after every move you make, it reveals a little bit of who you are, of how you react, from the general mask you wear securely down to the nuances and quirks you do not consciously admit. it paints a sketch of you from the way you engage. it is a different language through which you convey yourself: could be timid, could be slowly, could be awkward and shivering at first. still, in the end, whatever in you, whether you admit or not, would be cracked open in a soul dialogue, everything out on the table. it is a communication exchange.

(if you come to asia, old people play this game everywhere in the park. it is not for recreational purpose. the chess becomes the way they are.)

the go game

if you fancy yin-yang stuff, play the Go game. it is startlingly elusive right from the start. essentially speaking, in the verbal language that this world is used to: there is yin in yang and yang in yin. however, words are just empty shells. the squiggle symbols i write here, i wonder if it actually means or delivers anything. there is this old story, once the emperor asks the monk:

• is it true that buddha is in one's heart? the monk replies:
• if i say yes, i would make you think that you understand the thing that you actually do not. but if i say no, then i betray the consensus that many others already understood thoroughly.

the Go game is a different language that speak directly to your mind, bypassing the verbal language. therefore no information is lost in the process. it hits directly into the soul.

qugin

even playing the old musical instrument is not one-person activity. people that play the ancient instruments are beautiful. say, the qugin is so ancient, it has around ten songs left. but it is never about how many songs you can play, it is about how you play it. even the old master doesnt claims to master the whole ten. qugin also comes with a bunch of simple rules. one of which is that, you do not play if there is no one that can truly listen. there is this old story about a guy playing qugin. he has a soul friend that used to listen to his playing. one day, the friend dies, the guy breaks the qugin and never plays again. he says there is no one who can truly listen. see? even playing a musical instrument is not one-person activity. it is an intercourse. a communication exchange. a soul dialogue. it is just that it does not convey through conventional verbal language.

martial arts

i dont know why people dont do martial arts. it has become the way i am. and it is a fascinating language. the language is of the muscle movements. it is called kinetic learning, because muscles have memory. so the exercises and techniques you practice for a thousand times, it becomes the way you speak, the way you express yourself. it becomes a medium, a tool, a language. it channels everything in your mind, shameless.

in the west, many people do it because it fixes their mind. it is true. i channel my personality disorder into it. i dont communicate effectively the way normal people do, so if you talk to me, talk to me through the channel i can appreciate: the vast resevoir of silence. although martial arts were born amid wars and conflicts, it was never meant to hurt. the true fighting is a dialogue between two parties. something you cannot say, the heart listens.

by the way, it is interesting to see non asian people fighting. different races demonstrate very different gene settings, and they express very different cultures. i dont know if asian doesnt become elusive in fighting, how can we ever have any edge in a martial art dialogue. especially for little girls with silky black hairs. martial arts demonstrate vividly who you are and what you can become and the deepest struggle in the darkest corner of your subconscious mind. it reveals even the demon buried so deep you dont even know exist. hence it is a way of knowing yourself, and knowing each other. it is beautiful to see every person has a unique path, unique growth, unique features. like, i can never stand stable. with super curvy and asymmetric legs, people keep asking why i keep falling :)) i laugh it off, but i know when it comes to weight and stability, i lose from the start.

but i guess everybody develops their own style of fighting. i like to walk in, look at the partner, observe them, see how they feel, see what is between us, see if they have stars in their eyes. i dont see well, but sometimes close enough, i feel their internal struggle, what bugs their mind. i like using momentum. because i dont have any kind of force coming from anywhere. my muscle memory is terrible, if i dont practice everyday, i just suddenly fall off the pole in the middle of a spin. i dont like staying on the ground, i like to fly up opponent, getting behind their back. i can fight fiercely, but going with the flow mean that if you become dominant, i can stay receptive. just not all the time. i can also become very mean, and sordid, and ugly, and rude. i never mean to hurt anyone. but i do like to push my limit, and test other people limit.

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maybe the world has changed. maybe it is the idiosyncrasy of my brain configuration (which is registered as disorder in modern society). but these are certain things i would do till the day i die. if i ever become a mom, this mom hopes that kids dont inherit her bad gene. but she would try to explain to them, that she misses the far east. the far east that no longer exists, only in memory.