reverie
consciousness (or your ego experience, or your sense of self) is the ability to grapple with the puzzling intricacy of reality, to produce narrative constructs that do justice without pandering for the consolatory simplifications.
this is a quote that i paraphrase adding a bit of my understanding. i got this from talulah riley who got it from somewhere else. i find talulah fascinating. not just because she got a role in westworld (she has a cinematic and modern face, and she has trained to refine it). but because she is an odd wife of elon musk (an odd couple, they say); because of the way she is able to generate light-hearted vibe despite the bitterness that is indirectly but inevitably loomed upon her. the more contributing factor for this light crush of me on her is the way she speaks. concise, charm, smart. maybe they use the word snarky as short for all these three sentiments. i dont know. but it seems to be a desirable characteristic. wonder if i can cultivate one.
like the way i confused about lindsay mills after i watched Citizenfour. who is this girl, i asked. because i was deeply puzzled by the calamity and utterly ordinariness of someone that has mastered such a sophistication in his training like edward snowden. turned out lindsay mills has a character, and she is leading a strange life. probably she finds dancing both relieving and enchanting, even more so in tough time of her life. in the sense that she can lose herself in its flow, and also draw vital energy from its ritual. this duality is no longer surprising (though it can still be bugging) if you have been curious and observed enough self-tortured complex characters (the ones that you perceive to be more easy on themselves, probably they have learned to make peace with the natural reaction of their body: getting a physical seizure because of a psychological discomfort).
if anyone has been through something half a bless half a curse, half a therapy and half a poison, called life, anyone with a beating heart; then i suggest, fully aware of the wounds that it cuts deep but i know would not heal ever, to surrender.